The worth of a cold fried potato

Tonight I made a test.
On my dog.

I was in the kitchen eating a chocolate bar when he came in and put his snout on my thigh, begging me to give him a piece. Sometimes, yes, he gets chocolate, we're not the best dog owners in the world, I admit, and we really treat him like part of the family, like our youngest child who deserves to be loved and spoiled.

As I was chewing on the chocolate, feeling his warm, wet snout and his whiskers on my leg, I looked on the table and noticed a bowl of cold french fries, leftovers from lunch.

Cold french fries are like Scooby Snacks for my dog. It's that kind of treat he gets when any of us is eating something and he comes to beg between his meals.
He enjoys them cold fries, but they're not his favorite kind of treat. Especially when he knows there's a chance for him to receive some sweet delicious chocolate.

Here's what I did, in order to test how worth and value are artificially created towards something worth very little.

I took a piece of potato, showed it to him and caught his attention. I leaned my hand holding the potato towards his nose then pulled it back to me. And again.
His pupils dilated as he was watching the cold potate in my fingers while I was teasing him.

Needless to say that when I finally gave him that worthless piece of potato he grabbed it instantly and swallowed it without chewing.

This is not the first time I'm eating chocolate and giving him french fries when he comes to beg, but I don't play these games with him. I just take a potato from the bowl and give it to him. And you know what he does?
He spits it.
Yep, that's right. He spits it on the kitchen's tiles, his eyes fixed on my chocolate.

So I repeted the test.

I wanted to see if withholding a worthless, tasteless, cold piece of old fried potato from giving it to him will make it more desirable.

So I took another one, showed it to him, let him smell it but then took it away, I touched his whiskers with it and then pulled back. Finally I gave it to him and again, he grabbed it in a rush and instantly ate it.

That's the thing about withdrawing and withholding stuff on purpose. If you've got nothing much or nothing else to give, you hold it back in order to raise its value.

But the truth is it's just a cold fried potato.

............................................................................................

Know the VALUE of things, not the PRICE.

Don't get fooled by deceiving strategies.
This is true in marketing processes, in selling, in accessing resources and in relationships.

There's a reason why the best things in life are free.
Remember that.

In the middle

We've been friends for years.

Everytime he's in a long shift at the hospital we text for hours, keeping each other company.

Everytime he comes in the country he calls and if there's time we chat over a cup of tea in a coffe shop.
These past days he pissed me off and I blocked his number after he started blaming me for living in a fantasy world and for having the courage to dream.
That was the last thing I needed.

I knew he was going to be in town this week but I didn't want to see him. I was too mad at his sharp words.

Yet, he bought a Romanian sim card and called. I was at the supermarket.
I instantly recognised his voice and started laughing. He appologised and admitted he was too harsh on me and that he didn't want to upset me.

After days and days of rejection, I finally agreed to go out for a coffee nearby.

I told him I want to leave as far as possible. I told him I want to run away and embrace the solitary life as the feeling I have here isn't much different from what I'm thinking of trying. I told him I want to fly and be in a constant dizziness from the jet lags so that my brain shall not be able to focus anymore on what I don't have.
I told him I know it's not all glamour and I am willing to exhaust myself and wake up in the middle of the night and not know on what continent I am.

He didn't agree. He said I'm rushing. And then he asked where I want to go.

When I answered he begged me not to go. He said I'm taking a shortcut to hell and that I'm doing this for the wrong reasons.

He doesn't understand.

It's not about the money. It never is and never was. It's about finding something my heart shall beat for. It's about putting my heart in something. Or totally lock it away and dive in a constant haze of a beatless life that shall grant me the totally opposite experiences from those I actually want.

It's simple: if I can't have the RED ball to play with, I'll take the GREEN skateboard. Just because it's totally different. Who knows? I might have more fun.

Then he told me about the way one creates his life and being able to look beyond appearances. There was nothing new to me. I unlocked my phone and showed him some passages on this topic, from my favorite book.

Then he unlocked his phone and showed me this:

I read the first lines and looked at him.
"Why are you showing me this?" I asked.
"D'you know it?"
"Yes. I do."
"How?" he asked me.
"Doesn't matter. I know it from someone."
"Well, that someone has very good taste in poetry. This poem is my guide."

I read it till the end and told him:

"I want to run away as far as possible."

He sighed and he understood.

"Maybe you just need a vacation."


On my way home I stuck my headphones in my ears, playing the audiobook and said to myself:
"Don't you dare cry. Don't you dare it!"

Wicked games

 It's like I've gone completely insane this past week, yet this insanity seems to be my only faith in a world I'm willing to change.

The first step was getting rid of my car. It broke down again and I swear it was a total relief. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it did.

I have no intention of fixing it any time soon. 

I don't care about it anymore and I don't want to care about it anymore.

I started using the public transportation again, with my headphones stuck deep into my ears, listening over and over again to a 2-hour long audiobook.

The next thing was to start walking again.

Oh, yes. Those long walks.

I left my office in the North of the town and came home by foot.

Daily.

It's a 2-hour long walk and it's the time of the day I'm waiting for as soon as I wake up.

It's my me and my audiobook time.

It's my me and my prayer time.

It's my me and my tears of desire time.

It's my me and my dreams time.

It's my me and my imagination time when I dive in shameless fantasies that I pray to become tangible.

I know exactly WHAT I want, I don't know exactly HOW.

And the thing that buggs me the most is that the means of getting what I want seem so fucking complicated.

What I want requires patience, effort in terms of searching, good taste and a whole lot of fucking money.

I turn the volume higher in my headphones in order to train my brain to focus on what I want and I changed my perspective and approach towards work, keeping my desire very clear in my head.

I changed my schedule completely, I wake up at 6 am without alarm clock, I wander the streets with the painful desire in my stomach(sometimes I wonder if it's normal to want something so badly that your stomach hurts....)

In the meanwhile I play by the rules. I obey them and do the best I can EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND.

Every. Single. Second.

Every single second my body is guided by this one clear desire in my head.

What pisses me off the most is that I am not wise enough to find the quickest, fastest, most harmonious shortcut to what I want without selling my soul to the devil. 

I don't know if what I want REALLY requires so much complicated strategies.

I know my expectations are very high and expensive for myself, but it seems to me that I'm playing a game HERE, in order to win a game THERE.

And it seems the winings of HERE are not enough for getting me THERE.

They say "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are". 

Fucking true.

Yet what I want doesn't have anything to do with what I can do here, with what I have here.

Damn...

#looking #for #a #shortcut