The worth of a cold fried potato

Tonight I made a test.
On my dog.

I was in the kitchen eating a chocolate bar when he came in and put his snout on my thigh, begging me to give him a piece. Sometimes, yes, he gets chocolate, we're not the best dog owners in the world, I admit, and we really treat him like part of the family, like our youngest child who deserves to be loved and spoiled.

As I was chewing on the chocolate, feeling his warm, wet snout and his whiskers on my leg, I looked on the table and noticed a bowl of cold french fries, leftovers from lunch.

Cold french fries are like Scooby Snacks for my dog. It's that kind of treat he gets when any of us is eating something and he comes to beg between his meals.
He enjoys them cold fries, but they're not his favorite kind of treat. Especially when he knows there's a chance for him to receive some sweet delicious chocolate.

Here's what I did, in order to test how worth and value are artificially created towards something worth very little.

I took a piece of potato, showed it to him and caught his attention. I leaned my hand holding the potato towards his nose then pulled it back to me. And again.
His pupils dilated as he was watching the cold potate in my fingers while I was teasing him.

Needless to say that when I finally gave him that worthless piece of potato he grabbed it instantly and swallowed it without chewing.

This is not the first time I'm eating chocolate and giving him french fries when he comes to beg, but I don't play these games with him. I just take a potato from the bowl and give it to him. And you know what he does?
He spits it.
Yep, that's right. He spits it on the kitchen's tiles, his eyes fixed on my chocolate.

So I repeted the test.

I wanted to see if withholding a worthless, tasteless, cold piece of old fried potato from giving it to him will make it more desirable.

So I took another one, showed it to him, let him smell it but then took it away, I touched his whiskers with it and then pulled back. Finally I gave it to him and again, he grabbed it in a rush and instantly ate it.

That's the thing about withdrawing and withholding stuff on purpose. If you've got nothing much or nothing else to give, you hold it back in order to raise its value.

But the truth is it's just a cold fried potato.

............................................................................................

Know the VALUE of things, not the PRICE.

Don't get fooled by deceiving strategies.
This is true in marketing processes, in selling, in accessing resources and in relationships.

There's a reason why the best things in life are free.
Remember that.

In the middle

We've been friends for years.

Everytime he's in a long shift at the hospital we text for hours, keeping each other company.

Everytime he comes in the country he calls and if there's time we chat over a cup of tea in a coffe shop.
These past days he pissed me off and I blocked his number after he started blaming me for living in a fantasy world and for having the courage to dream.
That was the last thing I needed.

I knew he was going to be in town this week but I didn't want to see him. I was too mad at his sharp words.

Yet, he bought a Romanian sim card and called. I was at the supermarket.
I instantly recognised his voice and started laughing. He appologised and admitted he was too harsh on me and that he didn't want to upset me.

After days and days of rejection, I finally agreed to go out for a coffee nearby.

I told him I want to leave as far as possible. I told him I want to run away and embrace the solitary life as the feeling I have here isn't much different from what I'm thinking of trying. I told him I want to fly and be in a constant dizziness from the jet lags so that my brain shall not be able to focus anymore on what I don't have.
I told him I know it's not all glamour and I am willing to exhaust myself and wake up in the middle of the night and not know on what continent I am.

He didn't agree. He said I'm rushing. And then he asked where I want to go.

When I answered he begged me not to go. He said I'm taking a shortcut to hell and that I'm doing this for the wrong reasons.

He doesn't understand.

It's not about the money. It never is and never was. It's about finding something my heart shall beat for. It's about putting my heart in something. Or totally lock it away and dive in a constant haze of a beatless life that shall grant me the totally opposite experiences from those I actually want.

It's simple: if I can't have the RED ball to play with, I'll take the GREEN skateboard. Just because it's totally different. Who knows? I might have more fun.

Then he told me about the way one creates his life and being able to look beyond appearances. There was nothing new to me. I unlocked my phone and showed him some passages on this topic, from my favorite book.

Then he unlocked his phone and showed me this:

I read the first lines and looked at him.
"Why are you showing me this?" I asked.
"D'you know it?"
"Yes. I do."
"How?" he asked me.
"Doesn't matter. I know it from someone."
"Well, that someone has very good taste in poetry. This poem is my guide."

I read it till the end and told him:

"I want to run away as far as possible."

He sighed and he understood.

"Maybe you just need a vacation."


On my way home I stuck my headphones in my ears, playing the audiobook and said to myself:
"Don't you dare cry. Don't you dare it!"

Wicked games

 It's like I've gone completely insane this past week, yet this insanity seems to be my only faith in a world I'm willing to change.

The first step was getting rid of my car. It broke down again and I swear it was a total relief. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it did.

I have no intention of fixing it any time soon. 

I don't care about it anymore and I don't want to care about it anymore.

I started using the public transportation again, with my headphones stuck deep into my ears, listening over and over again to a 2-hour long audiobook.

The next thing was to start walking again.

Oh, yes. Those long walks.

I left my office in the North of the town and came home by foot.

Daily.

It's a 2-hour long walk and it's the time of the day I'm waiting for as soon as I wake up.

It's my me and my audiobook time.

It's my me and my prayer time.

It's my me and my tears of desire time.

It's my me and my dreams time.

It's my me and my imagination time when I dive in shameless fantasies that I pray to become tangible.

I know exactly WHAT I want, I don't know exactly HOW.

And the thing that buggs me the most is that the means of getting what I want seem so fucking complicated.

What I want requires patience, effort in terms of searching, good taste and a whole lot of fucking money.

I turn the volume higher in my headphones in order to train my brain to focus on what I want and I changed my perspective and approach towards work, keeping my desire very clear in my head.

I changed my schedule completely, I wake up at 6 am without alarm clock, I wander the streets with the painful desire in my stomach(sometimes I wonder if it's normal to want something so badly that your stomach hurts....)

In the meanwhile I play by the rules. I obey them and do the best I can EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND.

Every. Single. Second.

Every single second my body is guided by this one clear desire in my head.

What pisses me off the most is that I am not wise enough to find the quickest, fastest, most harmonious shortcut to what I want without selling my soul to the devil. 

I don't know if what I want REALLY requires so much complicated strategies.

I know my expectations are very high and expensive for myself, but it seems to me that I'm playing a game HERE, in order to win a game THERE.

And it seems the winings of HERE are not enough for getting me THERE.

They say "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are". 

Fucking true.

Yet what I want doesn't have anything to do with what I can do here, with what I have here.

Damn...

#looking #for #a #shortcut

The table

That afternoon we gathered in front of my desk, standing up, forming a perfect circle.

There were 7 knights and I.

As soon as he started speaking to us about passion and faith, I saw their faces lighting up, their eyes filled with faith and courage. 

It takes great humanity and a burning fire inside to elevate your knights spirit, to believe in them and rise the desire for victory in your warriors.

Pygmalion

Pygmalion was a talented Greek sculptor from Cyprus. After becoming disgusted by some local prostitutes, he lost all interest in women and avoided their company completely.

Pygmalion saw women as flawed creatures and vowed never to waste any moment of his life with them. He dedicated himself to his work and soon created Galatea, a beautiful statue of a woman out of ivory.

Ironically, the masterpiece of his life was this statue of a woman. Perhaps he sought to correct in marble the flaws he saw in women of flesh and blood.

Whatever the case, Pygmalion worked so long and with such inspiration on the statue of Galatea, that it became more beautiful than any woman that had ever lived or been carved in stone.

As he finished the statue’s features he found himself applying the strokes of hammer and chisel with increasing affection. When his chisel finally stopped ringing, there stood before him a woman of such perfection that Pygmalion, who had professed his disdain of all females, fell deeply in love.

Such a passion could not go unnoticed by the goddess of love, Aphrodite. She took pity on the young man and, when Pygmalion went to her temple to sacrifice a bull, Aphrodite gave him a sign. As the offering burned on the temple, the flames shot up one, two, three times.

Pygmalion went home, wondering what to make of the manifestation he had seen. When he entered his studio, however, and saw the statue, all other thoughts were banished from his mind. He ran to his statue and embraced it.

Did she seem warm to his touch, or was it just residual heat form the sunset that had warmed the stone? He kissed her.

Did the statue’s lips seem soft? He stood back and regarded her.

Did there appear the glow of life from within the marble form? Was he imagining it?

No. Aphrodite had given life to the statue, whose name was Galatea.

Pygmalion’s mind oscillated between doubt and joy. Fearing he may be mistaken, again and again with a lover’s ardor he touches the object of his hopes.

It was indeed alive! The veins when pressed yielded to the finger and again resumed their roundness.

Slowly it dawned on Pygmalion that the animation of his sculpture was the result of his prayer to Goddess Aphrodite who knew his desire. At last, the votary of Aphrodite found words to thank the goddess. Pygmalion humbled himself at the Goddess’ feet.

The Pygmalion Effect

The Pygmalion effect, or Rosenthal effect, is the phenomenon whereby higher expectations lead to an increase in performance.

By the Pygmalion effect, people internalize their positive labels, and those with positive labels succeed accordingly. The idea behind the Pygmalion effect is that increasing the leader's expectation of the follower's performance will result in better follower performance. 

Call it the Pygmalion effect, or the anticipatory principle, or even self-fulfilling prophecies, either way, what we expect, is usually what we experience. Moreover, the way in which people view you influences how you behave. That is, the expectation of events or behaviour can actually cause them to happen! The expectation does not need to be true at the time for it to occur, but becomes true when people act on the belief. What you focus on you grow—our beliefs literally create our reality. Our beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies. 

Pygmalion not only saw hidden potential that no-one else could see,he saw the finished sculpture in his mind long before it became a reality. Like Pygmalion, we need to see—and even seek out—the best in others, and to see their potential. Like Pygmalion, our belief in someone can bring their potential to life. As Aristotle said, “A vivid imagination compels the whole body to obey it.”

Practical ways to encourage human flourishing

Rosenthal discussed four factors that encouraged human flourishing

(1) Climate: Basically be nice to people both verbally and non-verbally and hold to positive expectations.

Being nice to people verbally might include the tone of our voice, the way we ask questions or request things to be done. Being nice to people non-verbally might include making eye contact, having an open and friendly facial expression, moving away from behind our desk or table when speaking to someone and turning our body toward them.

By viewing someone positively, we are more likely to approach them more openly. We will smile more, and be more supportive, friendly and encouraging toward them.

(2) Feedback: We give more positive reinforcement to those we expect to succeed and criticise them less when they take a misstep.

Interestingly, we provide more or less helpful feedback to people depending on whether “we think” they will succeed or fail. We subtly tear down those we think may fail. On the flip side, positive and constructive feedback helps people to grow in confidence and blossom.

(3) Input: We tend to provide more information to those we think will do well.

We set people up to fail when they come to us for feedback and we are vague about our expectations or any changes we require in outputs. To empower those we lead, it is important to clearly and graciously communicate ways they can improve their work.

(4) Opportunity: When we think well of people, we give them more opportunities to speak, more chances to respond, and we call on them more often.

When we see the best in people, we actively listen to them, give them freedom to share their opinions, and provide constructive feedback to help them find solutions. It’s a form of working together, even when in a classroom environment.

At the end of the day for better or worse, we all form expectations of people and situations. The more confidence we have in ourselves, the more likely we are to foster high expectations in those around us and motivate people toward positive outcomes.

Talk to many, think with the few

The reason I bow with respect to the idea of a round table is the essence of equality and unity in order to form the perfect shape that will change the world.

However round tables are the feature of a larger number of knights. When it comes to the core essence of growing and learning together, the smallest number is 2.

That's why I shall never buy a square table, but a rectangular one so that YOU and I shall sit side by side, on the same side.

Silent outrage towards love and desire

Pursuing my recent fucking studies on human fucking motivation, the freedom of fucking  choice and the basis understandings on people’s ability to create the fucking life they want to live, I found myself at a fucking crossroad where I got stuck.

I went deep into the fucking  Buddhist and Christian approach toward life and happiness in order to unravel the fucking mysteries that put the human beings in the state of bliss and happiness they long for.

The one fucking thing that outraged me is the fucking paradox in the following principles that I’m about to  expose. 

On one hand Christianity gives the answer to God in LOVE.

Let’s talk about that.

LOVE.

Fucking LOVE.

What the hell is love if not DESIRE? There is no love for dirt as there is no desire for dirt. There is no love for cruelty as there is no desire for cruelty. There is no love for atrocity as there is no desire for atrocity. YET these undesirable things still fucking exist even though nobody fucking desires them.

DESIRE.

Fucking DESIRE.

It is said that all suffering lies in desire. So  if  love is desire and all suffering lies in desire, then all suffering lies in love. So there goes right out the fucking window the Christian answer to God and joy.

Joy doesn’t equal suffering.

And one can easily make the difference between the times he was celebrating and dancing and the times when he was trying to whipe off his tears while getting up off the fucking floor.

On the other hand, the fucking Buddhists have the approach of no attachment towards life related things. 

No attachment equals the non-existence of love.

It is quite simple: if you don’t desire anything then you don’t love anything and you don’t suffer.

But isn’t this no-love of anything the trait of depression?

In medical terms, the lack of love and desire for anything is translated in deep depression which is considered as a serious illness and should be taken care of seriously.  My arguments are valid and practical, as it is impossible to live a desireless life: it would mean that any creation of God in this world is not good enough in order to rise desire.

I’m outraged.

The Buddhists are fucking stupid. Fuck the Buddhists!

The Christians are fucking stupid. Fuck the Christians!

Basically fuck everybody.

Fuck love. And fuck desire.

YET… there is another principle which says: the starting point of all achievement is DESIRE.

So basically we’re doomed to head nowhere but on the road of inevitable suffering if we dare to desire anything.

And we will.

Take a look at the visions in your mind. How many of them do you think you will accomplish? And in what time? Rest assured my friend that you will change your mind a lot of times before you will accomplish them, you will rearrange your plans and never finish most of the goals you set for yourself.

I’m still searching for fucking answers and so far nobody has provided anything worth taking into account.

4th of July - final part. Sting.

Skip...skip...skip to that rainy evening.

I could have writen some long, heartfelt story here, a story to melt even the most frozen souls, but there's no point.

We stopped the car in front of your folks house and I said: "Let' s stay here for 5 more minutes before we go upstairs."

It was raining.

The sea was a few feet away.

And then you said: "Here, listen to this song."

You turned on the player and put Practical Arrangement by Sting.

I didn't know the song.

I was blowing the smoke outside and watched the rain drops on the windshield while listening to the lyrics.

I wish with all my heart I could feel anything.

But I didn't.

You know I didn't.

And you didn't either.

How I know this? 

Easy.

I turned over and looked at you, but you were looking outside the window.

I had the feeling this was not the first time you played this song for someone.

I felt it.

Women feel stuff, mr. Love Doctor.

Women feel. You can't fake it.

If it were anything true, you would have looked in my eyes.

Many times.

Many, many times.

But you didn't.

I asked you: "Honey, are you ok?" 

"Yeah, you said, I'm just a bit melancholic from the wine" still looking away.

That was your answer.

I wish with all my heart I would have felt anything. But I didn't.

Something inside of me was whispering how the future would turn out, and that "something" was right.

As I said, I would never have the courage to say any of it to your face, so read closely the next lines: the only time I felt totally calm and at peace with us was the night I took you to my place because you forgot your keys in the mall.

You fell asleep right away in the small bed in my room.

I let you sleep there because I knew how exhausting can be to work long hours with the public and I went to bed in my sister's room.

When I got into the bathroom to take my makeup off was the ONLY time I could breath at ease because I knew you were in the safest place on Earth, in my room.

I can't describe the silence, the bliss and the peace I felt that evening.

However I wished you would wake up and come next to me.

But you didn't.

The next morning was the last day of summer and the last time I ever saw you.

So... how could I have allowed myself to feel anything when IT'S REALLY SO IMPLAUSIBLE?

Please try wining the women who will pass through your life with other songs.
Be creative.

I wish you well.

I will miss you.

4th of July - part 2

My hands were cold and sweaty and the idea of meeting the lady who brought to this world a part of my life was overwhelming even for someone who seems confident at all times.

There they were.
She was standing at the table tall and proud like a queen. She had that glow in her eyes when she saw you.

She LOVES you.
She loves you so much and that love makes her the strong woman that she is. Powerful. With that sharp look in her eyes.

I was making an effort to keep my back straight in the presence of such love and force.

Luckily enough the amazing man she is sharing her life with is a smoker too so I could drown my insecurity in chain-smoking next to him.
I am feeling thankful for all the public speaking courses and events presentations I've been through where I had to talk in front of a cold audience. It paid off, because somehow I could unswallow my tongue and carry on a decent conversation, while trying not to embarass myself or you for that matter.

Actually, if I think about it, I'm better at this than you.
Sorry, babe, that's the truth.
I'm better at it. Because I listen more than I talk.
You're just gonna have to work on that.
There, I said it :)

I remember instantly falling in love with the white furry bundle of joy that my fellow smoker showed me on his phone while you were talking to her. I can relate to animal lovers as I find a counterpoint in their care and affection for a speechless living being.
They are human.
And they love.
And more than that, they need to GIVE love.
That's the thing.
They had me.

I gotta admit that maybe the mentioning of the word "cakes" had to do something with it too, but if I were to be honest about it, I would forever be known as the girl who can be bought with cakes.
Oh, what the hell? Just bring out the chocolate and I promise I'll behave.

With the promise of a later meeting at home, we left the restaurant and you took my hand into yours as we...

TO BE CONTINUED